A Hurting Husband

We have recently discussed living life in community and how it can benefit your walk with God.  A hurting husband is a husband who hurts inside.  However, it is possible to go from hurting to healing.  Today I would like to specially address our male readers but trust the females still will gain insight.

I, Jake, have a role at work where I speak to married couples in crisis mode.  They are at the end of their relationship and therefore have one last effort to salvage marriage.  I often speak to what the man’s role is in restoring their connection. Almost always people respond with “That makes sense.”

Here is an excerpt of the message I give.

We are created for community.  Typically, men do not have an ideal upbringing.  This would be where both parents are married.  The mother is the primary nurturer and caregiver.  She is the one who raises her children, consequently earning the most difficult job in the world!  A mother is the main provider of nourishment until the child can eat solid foods.  In addition, she is also typically the primary person the child comes to for love, compassion and any desire they have until they attend school.  Then the father assumes a tremendous responsibility of raising his children into competent contributors to society that follows God.

When a boy does not receive love, guidance and affirmation, he tends to go in one of two directions.  One is isolation, while the other is posing.

The isolated male lives very distant from his heart.  Therefore, he typically does not stand up for his family, nor does he find any deep and meaningful relationships.  Also, he is passive and hides from conflict.

The posing man tends to be overbearing and very image-based.  He can seem like a know-it-all and wants to engage in any dispute just to prove his intellectual or physical prowess.

Neither of these extremes is living genuinely nor from true identity.  To recover authenticity, he will likely have to get out of his comfort zone and engage in behavior that can border on the opposite end of the spectrum.

The silent man should speak up, and the macho man should shut up.  Community is the primary place where this can take place.  If a man has safe and nurturing relationships, they can challenge him in a positive direction.  And, this is essential for social and spiritual development.

Females are not much different.  They became doormats not wanting to upset anyone.  Or, they may try to be over-the-top obnoxious striving for attention.  Again, close relationships that call these women up (not out) are vital in their walk with God.

Change does not need to be difficult.  And, shame does not need to be in the process.  If you have a group of people that can help in this endeavor, ask for their help.  Your tribe is so vital!  In the case where it is absent, you could take a risk and ask someone to help.  Pray for God to reveal who should be in your group and take a chance!  I promise it will be one decision you will not regret.

Please let us know how we can help!

One comment to A Hurting Husband

  • Janice Olson  says:

    You have a loving heart. Your wife and your children will benefit greatly having you in their family.

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